Chapter 4
Bible Study in
Alamo/Danville, California
Kelli is a nickname that my family has called
me since birth, as well as long-time friends. I go by “Kelli” most of the time.
I go by my legal name Kathleen outside of my family. Kelli means “warrior
maiden” and Kathleen means “pure, gentle” — what a combination of names!
Song of Solomon 1:2-4 NIV
2 Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His
mouth — for Your love is more delightful than wine.
3 Pleasing is the fragrance of Your
perfumes (fragrant ointment or oil); Your name is like perfume poured out. No
wonder the maidens love You!
4 Take me away with You — let us hurry!
Let the King bring me into His chambers. We rejoice and delight in You; we will
praise Your love more than wine. How right they are to adore You!
In 1993 I began attending a women’s Bible
Study in the Alamo/Danville area of Northern California. A woman from my church
opened up her home. She had been healed of lupus and got her life back after
being sick for so long. She began to teach Bible Studies in her home.
Women from my church, as well as women
from many other churches in the area were drawn to this inter-denominational
Bible Study. Usually anywhere from 30-50 women showed up. On a few occasions
she hosted a major speaker, such as Barbara Wentroble, and the house was packed
like sardines with a lot of women and men, around 100 people seated in folding
chairs in the family room, living room, kitchen, dining room, hallway, foyer
(her husband owned a business and they had a large home).
This was my first experience to be in an
environment where women of all economic backgrounds worshiped together and
became friends — from the poor college student to the multi-millionaire, and
those inbetween. I came to realize that regardless of economic status, that we
all shared common struggles — such as health issues, dealing with family
relationships, many women were in unhappy marital situations or had problems
with rebellious children. We all dealt with similar “women’s issues”
(insecurities, the longing to be loved, the myriad of needs in a woman’s heart,
shame from past failures, rejection issues, etc). Men deal with these things
too and have very tender hearts.
At this Bible Study we studied the Word,
prayed, and worshiped in song together, but the primary focus was on learning
about intimacy with Jesus Christ.
(That is where I learned how to make a
glory hoop … a glory hoop has glittery streamers, and the purpose is for beauty
to worship the Lord with, to dance before the Lord with. I made mine with a
rainbow pattern, to represent God’s covenant and faithfulness in fulfilling His
promises, especially for marriage and family.)
I was in an atmosphere where we were all
in one accord all wanting the same thing, which is to know Jesus better and to
know Him in a more intimate way. I’m referring to intimacy in spirit and soul,
because our marriage to Christ is spiritual, not of this world (the flesh).
Marriage of this earth is [intended to be] a picture of Christ and the Church
(Ephesians 5:21-33). The Apostle Paul said it is a mystery … concerning Christ
and the Church (Ephesians 5:32).
There are levels of intimacy with Jesus:
1) Friendship with the Lord 2) Divine romance with the King of kings and Lord
of lords 3) Times of making love to the Lord (I'm talking about in spirit, not
flesh) … usually that 3rd level of intimacy occurs during worship.
At this Bible Study we learned about
becoming that Bride that Jesus is looking for, without spot or wrinkle.
Revelation 19:7-9 (AMP) says:
7 Let us rejoice and shout for joy
[exulting and triumphant]! Let us celebrate and ascribe to Him glory and honor,
for the marriage of the Lamb [at last] has come, and His bride has prepared
herself.
8 She has been permitted to dress in fine
(radiant) linen, dazzling and white — for the fine linen is (signifies,
represents) the righteousness (the upright, just, and godly living, deeds, and
conduct, and right standing with God) of the saints (God's holy people).
9 Then [the angel] said to me, Write this
down: Blessed (happy, to be envied) are those who are summoned (invited,
called) to the marriage supper of the Lamb.
Revelation 22:17 (NKJV) says, “And the
Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” And let him who hears say, “Come!” And let
him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely.”
For one particular meeting, we met at
another woman’s house in San Ramon, the city next to Alamo/Danville. This
meeting was a little different than the Bible Studies. It was a special event
where every woman (who wanted to participate) would share with the group, in
some aspect, about their love for Jesus (to whatever level they felt
comfortable).
For example, two women did a skit
depicting Mary pouring oil on Jesus’ feet and just sitting at His feet soaking
in every one of His words (while Martha was busy serving). There’s a time to
serve and a time to just sit at the Lord’s feet.
Others sang a song, wrote a love poem to
Jesus, did a choreographed dance before the Lord — everyone had a different,
and unique, way of expressing their love for Christ.
I brought a card I had found and read it
to the group and then sang a love song about Jesus. I can’t even remember what
song it was. Afterwards we had a time of fellowship, as each woman had brought
some kind of food dish to share.
The card to Jesus was
dated September 23, 1994. The front of the card said: “I’m grateful for Your
love.”
The inside of the
card said:
“Dear Lord Jesus,
Your love is even
more wonderful than I dreamed that it would be … never before have I been loved
the way that You love me.”
“I’ll love You always. Kathleen (Kelli)”
It
was during the early to mid 1990’s that the Lord used many teachers to teach me
about intimacy with God — loving Him with your whole heart, soul, mind and
strength (some of these teachers were members from my church, guest speakers
who came to my church, and other teachers in the Body of Christ on Christian
television, or books by Christian authors). I studied workbooks about Christ
and the Church depicted in the Song of Solomon.
The
main keys (at least for me), I learned, to intimacy with God are communion
through worship, prayer and knowing Him through His Word.
This
was such a time of healing in my life because in the natural I had no husband
to love, or be loved by. I longed to be married but it wasn’t the Father’s
timing. I also dealt with the grief of “empty arms” because I wanted to have
children. No husband meant no children (being single and adopting was not an
option in my thinking).
I
was so emotionally messed up and had so many insecurities. I struggled with a
spirit of rejection. The Lord taught me that He could become my All in All. My
earthly husband, who God promised, would be a blessing to my life and he would be
the final healing in my life, but an earthly husband was never meant to take
the place of Jesus.
Jesus
is the only One who could understand me fully, love me unconditionally, and
make provision for every need to be met. He’s the only one who could heal the
wounds in my soul, restore my broken heart, give me the oil of joy for
mourning, and make me whole and complete.
Colossians
2:10 says that we are complete in Him (Christ).
