Intimacy with God
Being Your True Self With the Lord
Psalms 51:6 AMP Behold, You desire truth in the inner being.
When you are around those closest to you, such as family, you can relax
and be your “real self”. Your family sees the good side, and the bad side, too.
They know your strengths and weaknesses. They know how you’ll probably react to
situations. They see you when you’re dressed up and looking good. They also see
you with your hair not combed, in your jammies, not having showered yet or brushed
your teeth. They know you thoroughly.
In close relationships, there is the freedom (although not in all cases)
to express how you really feel — whether good or bad. In a close relationship,
there is more freedom to express negative emotions such as anger, and even to
yell. I’ve experienced in my family getting into an argument on the way to
church, then when arriving, putting on a new face like everything is going
great. Yes — so many stories Joyce Meyer has told about her immediate family, I
can relate to those same things happening in my family too.
When I share about my experience with intimacy with God, it has not
always been a bed of roses. Or, maybe it has … since roses have thorns. The
Lord woke me up this morning, prompting me to share about this. Maybe it will
help some people.
We are spirit beings that possess a soul and live in a body. When in the
realm of the spirit, I’ve experienced Divine romance with the Lord. But we also
have a soul and flesh too to contend with. We are human beings with “issues”.
For years (mostly back in the 1990’s), I struggled with feelings of anger
towards God (in my mind, primarily the Father, although now I realize the
Trinity is one, yet three). I actually had to come to a place of “forgiving
God”. My anger towards God stemmed back to my relationship with my earthly
father, and some of the things he had said to me.
I had several ongoing issues in my life that I was angry over, including
questioning God on why He allowed me to go through certain things growing up.
However, what I was the most angriest about was that I felt He was withholding
from me what my heart desired the very most: a husband and children.
I felt like He was depriving me, as if He didn’t want to bless me. There
were times when I would be driving alone in my car (back in the 1990’s my car
was my prayer room), and just could not hold in the pent-up frustrations of
delays and deferred hope any longer. I think I was around 25-27 years old by
this time and still not married. Sometimes I would begin yelling at the top of
my lungs in anger and frustration to the Lord. I’m sorry to say that I would
begin to question Him, and even accuse Him, by statements I made. I loved God,
but was still a carnal Christian in many ways believing the lies of the enemy,
and newly learning about intimacy with the Lord. I was also grieving at the
time. At the time, I had not received the teaching on the power of words yet. I
would say things such as:
·
God, why are you depriving me!?
·
Why are so many years elapsing
and you still haven’t answered my prayers!?
·
Why are you blessing all these
others around me and bypassing me … I feel like You’ve forgotten about me!?
·
I feel like You love and favor me
less than you do others.
·
Why do you want me to be alone
and lonely!”
·
Don’t you see that I want to have
children and that my biological clock is ticking away!?
·
God, I feel like my youth is
being robbed from me!
·
God, I’ve served you all these
years. You made promises to me, so why aren’t you coming through!?
·
God, I feel like you are testing
me to see just how much I can take. ut I can’t take anymore!!!
·
Why God why!!!? When God when!!!?
The Father was patient with me and understood my confusion and
frustration. After I would have my explosion and cry about it for a while, the
Lord, with His tender Presence, would woo me and help me to calm down. He would
remind me of the passage in Isaiah 40:31 (KJV), which says, “But they that wait
upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as
eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”
This was a time in my life when I was learning about death to self, and
about submission to the authority of the Father. I had to learn that He knows
best, He knows the right timing for things to happen in our lives, He possesses
all wisdom. Even when things make no sense, I’ve had to learn to trust Him to
see me through it.
With the Father, I cried. I bucked. I got angry at times and let Him
know about it. I tried to manipulate and control Him. But none of it worked. He
didn’t budge or change His mind.
One time I had a dream where the Lord confronted me. I didn’t see Him in
person, but heard His voice. He said, “Who do you think I am???” Implying, by
my negative statements, to make Him out to be someone horrible — as if He was
against me instead of for me. I had issues with my father and was relating to
the Lord in like manner.
One time when I was around 14 or 15 my dad, in a bout of anger, told me
that no man would ever love me or want me, and also said he hated me. But he
didn’t mean it and today he is very sorry for what he said and has asked for my
forgiveness. But I internalized that one statement. I totally believed it. For
years and years, that statement “no man will ever love you” and “I hate you”
controlled me and kept me in chains. (The enemy also tried to convince me that
I was so ugly and undesirable.) I projected what my dad said onto Father God,
thinking that maybe God felt the same way about me. That is the root reason I
had a hard time approaching God’s throne with confidence and trusting God to
bless me with a husband and family.
I was almost making the Lord out to be someone whose love for me was
questioned, whose best interest for me was being questioned, someone who didn’t
want to grant the desires of my heart, who wanted to deprive me in some way,
who didn’t want to answer my prayers, someone who wanted me to suffer, someone
whose faithfulness in bringing promises to pass was questioned. I’m ashamed to
say that I was almost implying that He lied to me when He gave me those
promises of marriage at an early age.
In the dream, I replied back and said something along the lines that SO
MANY years had gone by and the promise hadn’t come to pass yet. Then His reply
back was: “I’ll do it when I do it!!!” And then it was as if He walked off and
the dream ended.
Looking back, I feel so ashamed now of all the years of having faith one
moment to receive the promise, then allowing doubt and unbelief to come in when
things looked the opposite of it coming to pass or when so much time was
elapsing.
Proverbs 13:12 says that hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when
the desire is fulfilled, it is a tree of life.
I had to come to a place of resting in the Lord (which I will talk about
in more detail in another post). When you are resting in the Lord, you are no
longer striving, no longer trying to please God by your own works, no longer
filled with frustration and anxiety over why things are taking so long. You are
at peace. You are at a place of trusting God and leaning back in His arms
allowing Him to cover you with His feathers (Psalm 91:4).
Your situation may be an entirely different one then what I shared. You
may be dealing with family problems that have gone on for a long time where
things have not changed yet, or struggling with an illness that has been
ongoing for years. You’ve prayed, you’ve waited, you’ve called out to God
numerous times. He may have even given you Scriptures to stand on that pertain
to your situation, or spoke prophetic promises to you about it and given you
confirmations to the promise. Yet much time has gone by and the answer still
has not come.
He has seen your tears, heard your cries, and He cares so much. He is
moved by the feelings of your infirmities.
The fire of delay is one of the hottest fires to go through. However,
you will come out of the fire not burned, and not even with a smell of smoke on
your clothes. The only things that will be burned up in the fire are the ropes
and chains that have kept you bound. You will come out purified and refined
like gold.
Even though the promise tarry, wait for it, for it shall surely come to
pass. It will not be late a single day.
When believing for your miracle to happen, speaking words of doubt and
unbelief, or in my case getting so frustrated and angry with God, will not help
the promise come to pass any sooner. In fact, it just may delay it even
further.
The best, most effective, and fastest way to see God’s promises come to
pass in your life is to speak it into existence everyday. Also, speak forth
Scriptures that pertain to your situation. And also, don’t complain about the
delay, but instead praise God for the answers. His Word is true. Are we going
to believe what He said?
He has magnified His Word even above His Name (Psalm 138:2). His Word
says over and over again that He is a faithful God. He is a healing God. He is
an abundant Provider. All things are possible with Him. Nothing is too
difficult for Him. If we speak to the mountain (problem, obstacle) in our life
and command it to move out of our way, it will obey us.
God understands our weaknesses and frailties. He is compassionate and
understands when feelings of hopelessness begin to set in. However, faith and
fear don’t mix. Unbelief and negative speaking can keep you from possessing
your promised land. Let words of faith be on your tongue.
What I shared, I was younger back then (both in the natural and in the
spiritual). I’ve received a lot of emotional healing and deliverance since that
time. I’ve matured a lot since then. God has taught me more about showing Him
respect and reverence (the fear of the Lord). I can’t say that now, years
later, I never have thoughts of doubt in regards to God’s promises coming to
pass, but I’m at a place of much more peace and rest. And I’m learning to watch
more carefully what words proceed from my mouth. Don’t speak the problem. Speak
the solution of what you would like to see happen.
Some people give up and relinquish the promise God spoke to them. But
hold onto hope. If God said He would do it, then just believe Him. Rest in the
Lord and wait patiently for Him, even if you’ve already been waiting a long
time. Today could be your day for a breakthrough.
God has brought me to the place where I can honestly say that I don’t
mind waiting on the Lord because I know that eventually He will show up.
In my own life, I began having symptoms of a health issue around age 12
and it has remained over the years, sometimes in severity and other times mild
lingering symptoms. Yet for a short period of time I began having pain in my
lower back, shooting down my legs, and for a while even had a hard time walking
across the room.
One Saturday in April of 2003, I was at Shiloh Bible College in a class
called Healing and Health God’s Way. We learned about Charles & Frances
Hunter’s healing commands for back/spine pain. Towards the end of the class the
students put into practice what they had learned. One of the students
identified my back issue as arthritis in the lower spine, rebuked the arthritis
and decreed the healing commands. My back was instantly healed and I’ve never
had those same symptoms since that time.
So therefore, I don’t know why some health problems are healed
immediately and why some health issues linger on for a long time. I’m still
believing God for complete healing of the long term health issue I’ve had for
decades. Sometimes I cry out to God saying, “God I’ve suffered with this
infirmity for such a long time … I just want to be totally healed and made
whole.”
I’m reminded of the lame man who suffered for 38 long years before Jesus
healed him. Then there is the woman who was bowed over for 18 long years until
Jesus declared, “Woman, thou art loosed.” There is the woman with the issue of
blood who suffered for 12 long years until she touched the hem of Jesus’
garment and was made completely whole. Then there is Lazarus who did die, and
was dead for 4 days until Jesus decreed: “Lazarus, come forth!” Then He
commanded His disciples to “loose him from his grave clothes” and let him go so
he would be free to walk.
If Jesus performed a miracle by raising
Lazarus from the dead after he had been in the tomb for 4 days and already
decomposing, then He can perform any other miracle! (Unless, that is, your
situation is far worse than Lazarus' condition ... if there is a worst case
than “dead” that exists.) :-)
If it’s a dead marriage, then Jesus can raise that from the dead too. The Lord gave me a vision in 2011 about this issue of Jesus raising dead, or almost, dead marriages from the grave.
Even though years may have gone by and you still haven’t seen your
miracle, keep believing God. Today could be your day of healing and breakthrough.
The healing may manifest immediately, or come gradually over a process of time.
The Word says that His Name is Jehovah Rapha (the Lord who heals you), and His
Word is His will. So just keep standing on what He has promised in His Word.
May your health spring forth speedily. May the promises that God spoke
to you long ago come into being, in Jesus’ Name. Our God is a faithful God!
It is God's will that no one should perish (end up in hell), but that ALL should come to repentance.
For God so loved this world that He gave His only begotton Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
God did not send His Son into this world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him would be saved.
The thief (Satan the devil) comes only for to kill, steal and destroy. But Jesus has come to give us life, and life more abundantly, until it overflows.
I urge you to come to the Cross today and receive Jesus as your Savior and Lord. He will wash away all your sins and make you as clean and white as fresh snow.
Just pray this prayer and mean it with your heart:
Dear Lord Jesus (if you are not able to call him Lord yet, then just say "Jesus")
I receive You as my Savior and Lord. I give my life over to You. I believe that You died and rose again, and that if I call on the Name of the Lord I shall be saved.
I accept you into my heart right now, and confess that You are Lord and have risen from the dead and forever live to make intercession for me.
Thank You for washing my heart pure and clean and making me whole, and for giving me peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.
Thank You that now I am a new creature in Christ Jesus. The old has gone and the new has come.
And there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh (carnality and sin), but walk after the Spirit. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
If you prayed this prayer, I believe you got born again and are now heaven bound and will be with the Lord forever and have eternal life. Your sins are now forgiven. You are accepted in the Beloved.
I would encourage you to find a good Bible based local church to help you grow in your faith, to learn the Word of God, to praise and worship Him, and to have fellowship with the saints.
Serving Christ is the best decision you will ever make.
God bless you!!!
